Middle School was one big bummer,
I was prepubescent, I got no numbers,
No girlfriend, no sex, no Hummer,
I couldn't lay pipe, I was no plumber.

Mom made me eat wheat bread, no wonder,
And she wouldn't drive, and I was no Runner,
Classmates were lame, and got no Dumber,
I thought I would never make it to the next summer.

What was wrong with me? I used to be a lover, but
I got no love from my sisters and brothers,
I was broken up like, totally asunder,
Until one day, I made a rookie blunder.

I was late for class, mothertrucker!
Front door was locked, I had to find another, I
Bumped into skaters, you know, class Cutters,
Dumping trash cans and jumping over the Clutter.

What are you guys doing? I managed to stutter, they
Both rolled their eyes and laughed at each other,
Then one of them grinded the curb above the gutter, they
Utilized wax to make it slick like butter.

I was hooked, nothing looked funner, I
Felt like a pirate, ready for plunder,
Snaking local spots, and stealing their Thunder, I
Lost my religion, praying to the god of lumber.

I purged all my toys, I had a new Hunger,
Already a vegan, I would be no Hunter,
Fuck the military, I was no Gunner, and
Telling Mom and Dad would certainly be a stunner.


Mom, I want a skateboard,
Wait till Christmas?
But school just started, I'm way bored and
I'm going to need plenty of time to practice.
Hey Dad, got any work?
I got to have some kind of income to
Buy a bunch of gear and not look like a jerk,
Give me a loan? I'll pay it back and some.
Hit the store, spread out,
Find the board section, Mom get the bread out,
The selection is pretty tapped, one
Last roller derby and a ninja by Nash.
The latter's corny, I pick the former,
Formerly a boy, I now I'll become a border,
Ching ching, the register Rings,
That's the sound of upcoming rounds ding ding!
Take one, learn how to ollie,
50 takes later, feeling full of folly,
Maybe skating just isn't my calling,
Those kids at school will help me, prolly...
Next day, I skate to class,
Get speed wobbles on the hill and break my ass,
Still boisterous, I asked the boys what's up?
Where'd you get your ride?, Toys R Us.
What? That's not where you got yours? No nerd,
That's a kids store, you didn't know? Oh, sure.
Go to a skateboard shop, so where?
They don't serve your kind there, poser!
What! Man those dudes sure suck,
Mom didn't know it was a kids store? Pure luck.
What if she did? think of that!
Maybe she's just cheap, can't we take it back?
What? Why, you got what you wanted!
I need a pro model, and this is not it.
Wow, you're so ungrateful, go skate!
On that thing? No way!
I stormed to my room while she lost it,
And threw that toy in the closet,
I was bummed and needed some healing, it
Took another year before I caught the feeling.
Dan, my brother's lil friend,
Brought over a jinx by Vision with him,
The grip alone was fresh to death, and he
Let me ride until I had to catch my breath,
When out of nowhere, my ollie power worked, I
Had to be alone on some wall flower twerk,
I couldn't believe it, I finally scored, and
Now that I could see it, I had to buy a real board.
Hey Dad, help a brother out sir?
He started me at $1 an hour,
It took two months to buy some cool stuff, a
Gator mark rogowski and a block head toothbrush,
Mom had bought me some cons, but I
Got air walks with lace protectors on top,
Blue bullets and brand new tracker trucks, pink and purple ripped griptape, that's what's up.
Vision Street wear had a cool T, but I
Wouldn't be caught dead with their shoes on the street,
Fuct jeans and a backwards ball cap, a
Farmer tan till the fall, I was all that.
The next time I bumped into those douchebags,
They had on saggy pants and dew rags,
Later skaters, nice to know your,
Past your Prime, and I'm know poser.